Members of my new family: My niece, my step niece, and my sister!
My Sister/My Father: Full circle
Despite having a raging cold, (you know the type: sneezing, coughing, glowing red chapped nose), I decided to take a trek to San Francisco one sunny Saturday this past December. I was originally planning to go to the City the first week in December and see the Titanic Exhibit with a friend. Due to a "falling out”, I opted not to go, but I still had this burning desire to see the exhibit. I am a creature of habit, and normally when I go to the City I have lunch on Saturdays with my friend Anne at the Rotunda at Neiman Marcus. Having just recently become a part-time travel agent (think great discounts), I decided to stay overnight as well. Due to my cold, however, I missed lunch with my friend Anne on Saturday. After a good night’s rest I decided to break tradition and have lunch alone on a Sunday at the Rotunda and then take in the exhibit. As I was sitting at my table finishing up the last of my Bloody Mary (okay two), I noticed a lady walk by with one of the exact same outfits I owned. I thought to myself, what a beautiful elegant lady. I paid my bill and left. As I was walking out I heard someone call out “Diane!" I glance around to see no one and wondered if I was finally “losing it” and hearing voices! The same elegant lady came up to me and said “It’s me, Helen, give me a hug”. I could feel my jaw drop and all I could muster was “But you’re my sister!" To which she replied “I know Silly, now give me a hug.” She told me much later that I looked like I had seen a ghost. She invited me back to have cocktails with her daughter. As it turns out it was my niece that recognized me telling her mother “ Mom, isn’t that your sister?” I have not seen my niece in 20 years and my sister in 18 years. She is my half sister on my father’s side and I tracked her down 22 years ago. After a brief relationship of 18 months her then controlling and abusive husband banned her from having a relationship with any of her family, eventually to include their own daughter as well. I had not heard from her or seen her since. To say I was devastated at the time was an understatement. I considered her all the family I really had in this world. She remarried and lives with her second husband in Solano County . I have gone from having no family to needing a matrix of names/ relation/ etc. I have prayed for years to have family and now it is a reality.
Like me, my half sister and half brother have been estranged from our father for countless years. The last time I saw him I was 21. I spent a total of 6 months living with him when I was 6 years old. The last time I spoke with him over the phone was more than 20 years ago. Despite this I was the one that had the most time with him. Basically he abandoned me and my half siblings. On a Monday recently my sister called and let me know she had found our father; he had a heart attack, has Alzheimer's and was in a hospital, basically alone. I immediately made plans to fly out to El Paso to see him. I was briefed and warned by his social workers that he was in bad shape; old and frail. I walked into his room and he immediately smiled. I could tell in that instant he knew who I was...... but with Alzheimer's it can be moment to moment. Minutes later he told me his daughter was coming next week and he loved her very much. I gently told him, " Father, I am here". He stared at me for a minute and was back with me. He asked how my brother Jimmy was and I told him that I had not spoken to Jimmy in many years, that he turned out to be a bad man. My father said “ He has to be a better man than me". "Oh, Dad! " was my only heart felt response. I fed him and after-wards he cried. I reached down and gently told him there was no reason to cry now, I was here for him and always will be. Before I left to return to San Jose, I caressed his face and kissed his head, telling him that I love him and will make sure he will be safe. I looked at him for a while and all the angst that I have ever felt over being abandoned was gone. For years I lived with the anger of being left with a physically and emotionally abusive mother, and his awareness of what was happening to me. Ultimately when the abuse got so bad, I went to live at a Catholic orphanage. I truly felt at that time that I was unwanted, alone and abandoned. Now, I feel only compassion for this man who is my father. The daughter has become the parent, and the father the child. The chain of events that has led up to this moment is amazing.
Currently I am in the process of becoming his guardian. As I was signing a mountain of papers, "Diane Silva Bettencourt, daughter" I finally broke down and cried. . Then I thanked God that the healing and forgiveness has begun for the two of us and my siblings in this lifetime. On June 1st my father will be 87. I know the time we have left with him is very little, but by the same token it is precious. I finally said to him the word that I can't ever remember saying: "Daddy".
My brother Ray and my puppy Rianna!
